Question: How does this sound for my novel beginnijng??????????


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Answer #1:

I like it, and I would definently read it if it gets published but there are some errors. Like this:
“Wow, thanks.” I said as he hugged Kristy.
It's supposed to be:
“Wow, thanks.” I said as I hugged her.

Answer #2:

ehh, you need to work on your grammar some more. You tend to use too many commas. example. "Holding my breath, I aimed my bow at a silver furred, golden antlered stag running away from me." The first comma you used is unnecessary. I noticed thinks like that throughout your story.

Also, try to avoid starting your sentences with "I" when writing in the first person. Obviously your story is about that character, but using "I" too often makes the character seem stuck up or self involved and doesn't give the story enough...idk what it's called. But it's like you can only see that character adn not what's going on around them.

anyhow, keep trying. and Good luck

Answer #3:

Awkward phrasing, details that seemed superfluous, and spelling and grammatical mistakes were distracting, but I think you should continue to refine this. I'm not an expert, but the very last sentence seems like it might be a great way to start this piece. Additionally, if you can do without discussing the narrator's dream, I'd advise that, as the dream's fantasy-like elements take away from your verisimilitude. If you need it in your story, try to shorten it, as that's where I saw most of the extra details.

Though you didn't ask, a strategy I'd recommend is cutting a sheet of paper into strips and writing one-sentence (or smaller) versions of the passage's main ideas on each strip. Lay them on the floor, then arrange them in the order that seems most natural to you as a reader. Once you've done that, flesh out the details. Don't be afraid to copy the styles of authors you like as you start out. You should eventually see your own style emerge.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

Answer #4:

You have some third person and first person. Fix that, and it's good. I love it!





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